?

Log in

Comma
Covered In Mice
Best Of Chapters 41-60, Part 1 
27th-May-2008 01:52 am
Cheryl
Tremble in your boots, Suethors: all your worst crimes are about to be exposed to the world. Again.

Pleasingly, we have a lot more pictures and poems than last time. :D


Creative reader contributions

* “You’re cornered, the only way you can get out of this situation is by using a bull-dowser, which apparently, you don’t have” Sirius answered

mehagian: Never underestimate Lily.



(Note: to all you people planning to comment and say, “That’s a douser, not a dowser!”, Merriam-Webster apparently lists “dowse” as a secondary spelling. So there.)

* A NevilleLuna! Yay! EXTREME FLUFF ALERT! Me ranting about emotions. Takes place during DH, at Hogwarts, by the strangly sexy lake. Go figure. Luna's a little OOC, and unfortuatly, this is AU, 'cuz N and L aren't real couple :sniffles:

ija_ijewna: Oh dear. The rythm of this phrase was my downfall...

It was sunny June at Hogwarts
Near was time of th'summer break
When Lonbottom walked with Luna
by the strangely sexy lake.

May I ask, enquired Neville,
which love path I'd better take?
To go slash, or het, or hermit -
by the strangely sexy lake.

Luna turned her gaze to water,
(Quid was dancing 'twist and shake')
Then she said - quite non-sequitur -
"Look! It's strangely sexy lake."

This solved problems. From this time on,
no heart matters were at stake -
for they formed a happy threesome
by the strangely sexy lake.


* Title is self-explanitory. With a Harry/Draco twist. I am bored.

shyfoxling: Out from his manor, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the door and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Harry/Draco twist?"

(...I'll have a dry fic, betaed, with a Harry/Draco twist, please.)


* The silence in the room was almost palatable, he explained to his followers.

rickfan37:

* It wasn’t long before the end of the lesson that word got out about Professor Snape’s lousing the argument with Morris, and also how Morris managed to stare the evil potions master of staring down, the twins were even said to of made a moving banned of the staring match in the great hall, but Snape destroyed it before anyone else could see it.

shyfoxling:

* It was in this mindframe that Sage sat by the lake in cream colored pants and a dark grey, silk shirt meditating.

Me:

Possibly the single worst passage of the last twenty episodes

Draco Malfoy, who was Harry Potter’s lover, quickly stunned the Death Eater he was fighting to aid the raven-haired beauty that fell to his knees beside the Dark Lord’s dead corpse. He ran over to the emerald-eyed boy and held his lover in his arms, knowing that no words needed to be said. The platinum blonde haired boy grasped his wand in the air and sent a series of red sparks in the air, making them send up a message saying ‘Harry Potter is Victorious’ and some yellow sparks spelling out ‘Light side wins!’.

thelittlebudgie: 'High score!
Name: A A A'


...A yell of pride and joy of finally winning the war echoed through all the students and teachers and Auroras who battled and kept fighting for their lives, their families and for the sake of the world, both muggle and wizarding.

“Dray…” Harry murmured. Draco cast his silver eyes onto the saviour of the wizarding world. “I love you Dray. Thank you for standing by me this year.” Draco’s eyes watered.

eir_de_scania: ***There were goddesses of the morning in the Hogwarts battle? Good idea, it's easier to fight when it's light.

Me: That sounds vaguely Thermopylaean - you know, "He has so many soldiers that their arrows block out the sun" - "Good, then at least we'll fight in the shade."

Maybe we can get the Suethors to move on to 300...

beardedtroll: Madness? This is Hogwartssss!


Least welcome unsolicited biographies

* hi, my name is krysta. i have an overactive imagination filled with harry potter characters. This may sound weird, but sometimes i see severus snape, just standing there in a dark corner of a room. if i have probelms i usually confront him about it, or my boyfriend mike. but somehow he helps me through a lot of things. maybe somewhere in my subconsious, the solution is there, and severus just reaches into it and pulls the answer out, when i cannot find it. I have an unusual veiw of the world. you know how god spoke throught the prophets? well i believe that wizards speak through other muggles, or squib like wizards. i think that j.k. rowling was one of them, i think i am one of them also. i believe that when you die you are truly waking up. when you dream, you merely visit the world that you will call home, at death, or awakening in my opinion. think i'm crazy if u want, think i'm brilliant like einstein, but whatever you do, see me as someone who will make a difference in the world, just like j.k. rowling did.

* My Magical Profile.

I control severl elements which include Fire, Earth and Water. My two best element are Darkness and Water. I am also a Fire/Ranger Mage. I also have the gift of reading dreams. Otherwise called Dreamer.

I live in a forested area and can stand some humans.


Interesting buildings

* Saint Mangoes Hospital
*
Department od Defense


Most irritating Sue

* “Are we there yet?” I asked.

“No,” said Fred.

“Are we there yet?” I asked again.

“Are we there yet?” I asked again before one of them could reply.

“No and no,” said George.

“Are we there yet?” I asked. After about two seconds of silence. Fred cringed.

“Are we there yet?” I asked again.

“Are we there yet?” I asked.

Ghastly diamond Stu-accessories

* Morris’s wand was made of pale wood that glowed, white and brightly in the class room, though what Harry saw was usual was that in the wood of the wand was a fusion of what looked like a silver chain and the tip was made of a very sharp, knife like, diamond and at the wands pummel was a massive one an half inch, brilliant, old European cut, diamond which Harry thought he saw a insignia on, but it hard to tell with the way that it shone light and rainbows around the classroom.

* Harry took the broom and examined it. The handle was made of what Harry identified as diamond while the bristle part was made of some kind of wood that Harry couldn’t distinguish that was entwined with silver. But what surprised Harry the most is that the broom had a seat on it, much like the kind on a bicycle. The seat was leather and colored black, corresponding with the white of the diamond perfectly. There was also a pair of black leather handle bars, which looked like they came from a scooter, that rose above the broom about a foot on a small diamond stand. This, Harry soon realized, could be retracted, handle bars and all, into the broom itself.

Best description of Harry

* He was still a slim, green eyed, messy black haired person that he was.

Most heartless passages

* (an author’s note:)
Well I really hope that you all review cause I need your help. I can't decide wether the baby shoul survive or die. plz review and tell me your oppions. i really would like to hear them thank you.

* “My dear, I fear that the concussion you received when you hit your head has resulted in amnesia. We believe you were in a fight with fellow classmates. You were attacked from behind. In the two weeks that you have been here, there has been much turbulence in the Muggle world. Your parents were targeted. They… Your parents did not make it.” The young woman sobbed at this. ”My condolences. To say that it wasn’t altogether unexpected would be a lie. You have no other remaining relatives. With this being the case, we have decided that it would be best if you were to remain here, at Hogwarts.”

* Harry had been very quite since the war. Not only had their Headmaster fallen. The last one of the Marauders had been killed. Wormtail was ordered by Voldermort to kill Lupin. After the murder Harry killed him. Hermione suspected that Harry was shocked over the fact that he had killed another human being. He never saw Voldermort as a human, so that didn´t count. Harry had told the others that he thought Lupin had been depressed over the fact that he was the only one left from the Marauders, so he was probably happy where ever he was.

*Dear Ginny,

I’ve missed you and I know you are still upset about what I did my last year there at Hogwarts and I regret to tell you that Cho and I are engaged to be married this Christmas. You are still my girl but only as a sister now. I’m sorry but you must move on and find someone else. I just can’t love you like that anymore. I’m not sending an invite for you to come to the wedding because we want it to be small and private but I wanted you to know.

Love always,

Harry

Awful songs and prophecies

* “Oh don’t be scared I might be sore on the eyes.
But don’t judge on what you see
I’ll bite my tongue if you find a smarter hat then me
You can keep your Baseball caps
And Bowlers black
For I’m the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can top them all
There’s nothing hidden in your hat
I may not see,
So try me on
And I will tell you where you ought to be.


* "Ms. Granger, Severus, please. I am sorry Ms. Granger but you do not have a choice in the matter, your race will become more demanding everyday, your power will become much greater than it already has. There is no way to get around it, you are a Elementress and you forever will be. Your mate will become the only guy you have eyes for, and we believe he attends Hogwarts too for in the prophecy it says
Elem will find he who she searches out
In a place she's for 6 years known about
He has eleven and veela blood
But she has not befriended him before
She'll fight and scream about this situtation
But she'll need to realize his love is true
For he is her mate, and to her his heart belongs


* “A great and many years ago
When Hogwarts School was newly started,
Stood the four Founders here
And numerous young ones to be parted.
Four good friends, they were
Devote to teaching and learning.
But how to gather students in one place?
It set their brains a turning.
A place for young people to learn,
“We’ll build a school,” they said
Where students and teachers come
When we are gone and dead.
With their mind frames set
And hearts decided
Our four founds ne’er dreamt
One day they would be divided.
For such great friends
Were Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw
Along with Slytherin and Gryffindor
Present strife they never foresaw.
Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin
They are Hogwarts founding four
With their knowledge and abilities
Together, things to teach galore!


The Dark Lord’s Furry again

* My surprise equally matched my furry when I discovered that only one child was there.

anacolouthon: Sunday Sunday Sunday, Surprise vs. Furry at the Midtown Arena! Both parties are equally matched, so this proves to be a thrilling showdown!

I imagine this as a fight between one person in a giant exclamation point suit and the other in a those creepy, dead-eyed fursuits.


Oddest outfits

* Hermione stood up from behind the armchair, in a pink dressing-gown, with a small pig, on the shoulder.

* Draco had thought that she looked beautiful all dolled up in a cheap plastic and metal go-cart, her hair flying around her and a bright smile on her face.

* “Mr. Malfoy?” Dumbledore shook the boy lying in his floor.

“Err” Draco gowned sitting up and looking at the headmaster.

* Alex and Max found them delves in a street which was full of people. Most of them were wearing clocks, some which could never have been in fashion.

Most splutter-inducing disclaimer

Loving A Veela

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my interesting take on a under used plot.

Best password

* “The passwords ‘pig snot’ but it won’t help the fat lady’s gone” Harry said

Least comprehensible paragraphs

* Everybody Ooohed and all that and I knew then that I had two choices, one, to play and get humiliated, or two leave and be humiliated. I chose the first one, for the off chance that someone would dare me to kiss my crush, so I chugged the rest of my butterbeer, thanking God there was a lot left so that when I was done I was a little woozy I’m not saying that I wasn’t already because I bloody was by the time I sat right next to Potter.

* They pasted four large tables, all littered with students, gossiping about their holidays, before Harry knew it they were standing in front of a large table, with many strange looking wizard’s and witch’s, Harry assumed to be the teachers, and not some sort of interviewing board of directors, like in law show, his uncle Vernon liked to watch, so that he could yell at the screen.
*
Morris, walked gracefully and sat upon the stool, and winked at Harry before his head was covered by the hat. Harry watched intently, as very second gone by brought truncheons began to rise, the hat could be seen muttering to Morris.
*
Morris reaching into his doctors bag and pulled out a smallluminous white look unlabeled vials from it, and a small bowl, he then started adding things into it.

“What are doing doing?” Harry whispered, so not to wake anybody.

* “I’m sure as hell, hope you had the decency of a clearly meddled brain to think of the chances of your…surrogated grandfather, gracing the whole fucking Wizarding world with his newly resurrected body Ayden!” Severus said in a objurgated tone.
*
“The more appealing.” Severus repeated. “The more appealing, over the more obvious. You are now clearly suffering from being possessed and an abulia.”

Best plot

* Draco realised he was a Veela that much was clear by the fact he had just turning, it was no coincidence that it was on his seventieth birthday, the traditional day for Veela inheritance.

ija_ijewna: Thankfully Scorpius and his lovely children were away on holidays and wouldn't have to face Grandpa's humiliation...

Worst and stupidest plots

* When Albus walked into the room, he was shocked at the sight before him.Minerva was waking up. He ran to her side and took hold of her hand and kissed it.

"Albus? Is it really you?"

"Yes my dear, it is. I was so worried about you. I promise I will never leaveyou again. I love you so much."

"Oh Albus, I love you too. Albus, there is something I need to tell you.Before I was hit, I found out that I wascarrying our child."

* AwardWinningAuthor!SS cannot have liabilities and he cannot stomach upheaval in his house.Osiris Silver is a pureblood with a knack for trouble and violence and potions with a sordid past. Voldie later!
*
The boy shrugged slightly, his face blank. “I was a blood traitor to them, with no place in their world or their school. It was sport to them. I fought back. I had no choice. Most of the Professors felt similarly and those who did not, did not feel it warranted to risk their job and their reputation for someone who was as good as a mudblood in that world. Then they targeted my younger brother. They would hold me and make me watch,” he finished angrily, clenching his fists. “And then I would be punished for it, and they would simply get off with whatever I had managed to do to them to keep them off of me or Heru'ur, my brother.”

la_fono: O.o

*sigh* Someone's been watching Stargate.

*runs far far way from this fic*


* Severus and Minerva whispered amongst themselves, possibilities that the rumors floating around the magical world were correct. The Creetan wizards having finally declared war on the Elites.

eir_de_scania: ***Considering there are only about 3000 wizards in Great Britain, I doubt there are wizards enough on Crete to start anything bigger than a bar room brawl.

Severus walked out of the Great Hall and to his classroom, not really wanting anybody to see his more parental side. He rubbed the child’s back gently as she calmed down then looked at her tear swollen eyes as she moved away from his shoulder. “Why doesn’t mommy want Mina?”

“Mr. Malfoy is not your mother,” he sighed softly watching her bottom lip quiver. How to tell her without making her cry was going to be hard. He sat her down on his desk, observing her scraped knee from when she had fallen and quickly got a rag and moistened it with lukewarm water. He softly began cleaning the scrape, thinking hard about what to say. “First off, Mr. Malfoy is a man, therefore he couldn’t be your mother.”

anayra_hirialen: Didn't seem to stop him last week.

* Albus and Minerva were cuddling on the sofa in their living room. They were enjoying the last calm evening before their whole family would arrive to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. Their three daughters, two sons (with their husbands and wives) and nine grandchildren would join them for this special occasion. It had been a tradition for many years: no matter what their children and their families were doing at the moment or where they were living, on Thanksgiving, they came together for a family reunion.

plaid_slytherin: Albus is so eccentric he pretends to be straight and celebrates Muggle American holidays. I love that man.

* Harry scanned it and was pleasantly shocked to learn of the time delay function the Room of Requirement had. It would appear that a minute in the real world was actually two hours in the Room of Requirement.

thelittlebudgie: Man, Neville must have been constantly running over to Aberforth's place, then.

* Ginny sat under the branches of the large oak tree next to the lake. Harry had just broken up with her but she was not as upset as she should have been. The only reason she had dated him was because Dumbledore had requested it.

* “HE HAS, AT LEAST SIX BARRIERS ON HIS MAGIC, ALL OF WHICH HAVE THE SIGNATURE OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!” Lestat roared and they were all outraged at this

thelittlebudgie: I'm tired of it always being Dumbledore with the "binding Harry's magic" plot. Make it Hagrid for once, or something. Or have someone release the "bindings" on his magic, resulting in explosive, uncontrollable damage, vindicating Dumbledore. Although what would be really awesome would be Harry asking to have the bindings put in place so that he could learn the basics, and behaving responsibly. (Not really Harry's style, but then again, the pod-Harry's in badfic aren't any closer.)

Most honest Harry Stu

* I surveyed the area and disgustingly watched the others before me.
*
I opened my eyes to find myself lying on a large bed, covered in green sheets. I recognized this room as my brothers, but why was I in here? Surly I would be put into the same room I had before?

Most honest Dursley!abuse fics

* Vernon Dursley had been beating his nephew for almost half an hour before finally getting tired of its repetitiveness so he started drag the unconscious boy to the cupboard under the stairs.

* What they didn’t know, was that Harry had broken that vase on purpose, he had gotten Aunt Petunias attention because he wanted her attention, and he had made sure to ’talk back’ so his Uncle would come and give him a good beating.

Oddest prose style

* “Yes Ray” Replied the two guilty parties as the got to work setting up servile complicated words and charms, in hopes of offering the child as much protection as they could. Over the next servile hours they worker silently till one by one the eight adults looked at each other as stood and admired there hard work.

“It’s almost done now; all we need to do is wake up the children and set the last of the words up.”

“Do you think this will be enough?”

“No, but we’ve did everything we can do for him.”

“Rays right Lil, the extra words added will stop them from out right killing him, and will boost his telepathy if he ever sends out a mental cry for help, as well as making it imposable for someone with ill intent to reserving the message.”
*
“That’s ENOUGH, out of the lot of you. You’re all behaving like children. And I’m tired of hearing this same argument; yes, Lil I happen to agree with you that it’s terrible having leave him here. But as Art just pointed out, our lord and Lady, forbid us from removing him from here. And you’ll have to be stratified that, were doing everything our power to make sure that he is as safe as possible.”

“Now Lils would you please wake up the girls. It’s almost sunrise.”

The women in question had the desonsee to look away as she mumbled “sorry Helga.”

shyfoxling: Harry is being dropped off at the Dursleys' by the Ghostbusters?

anayra: I keep on thinking that those mysterious watchers in the first fic are Lily Potter, Draco Malfoy, Helga Hufflepuff and Arthur Weasley. Please tell me I am wrong.

*
Slowly she walked towards the three sleeping fingers. ‘Why don’t I just talk him and go. They couldn’t stop me. And he’d be safer.’ ‘Don’t.’ ‘Who said that?’ ‘I need to be here.’ Startled she looks down at the sleeping baby. ‘H h h h how is this happing.’ ‘It’s not important what is important is that if I don’t stay here then worse thing will happen.’ ‘What could be so direr that we condom an innocence child to hell.’

* “Lucius used the killing curse and killed them both while their backs were turned. The coward!” he said, putting extreme emphasis on the word ‘coward’.

shyfoxling: EXTREEEEEEME EMPHASIS!!

wow! That was exhilarating!


* “You know even I couldn’t stop my self thinking of you and of the wonderful moments we spend together.” Whispered undertone and caressing her hair like Ron with Hermione.

ija_ijewna: Undertone Mildvoiced, wannabe Casanova of Ravenclaw. Rowling crossed him out in the earliest draft of HP.

“Why does he have to stay in bed and I don’t” stated, accusing Hermione and Ginny.

“Well he is the boy who defeated the HIM right?” asked Hermione trying to be backed up by Ginny who only nodded.

ija_ijewna: "He also has beaten down Marylin Manson, Avril Lavigne and My Chemical Romance. Don't you think that he deserves at least some gratitude for that?!"

* Harrys automaticlly first conserne was Teddy! Just like Harry he wouldnt grow up with his parants an just like Harrys parants, his parants gave their lives so their son could have a bether life. But unlike Harry, Teddy was oing to have his godfather with him whil he grows up.

* I opened my eyes again to see this angel sleeping next to me…when it hit me, I frowned deeply as I argued with myself.

anayra: ***Should I hit back, or run away?

* When we were at the cart on the way to Hogwarts we chatted about something he informed me every time we met. Quiddich Mundials!

“Did you hear it?” he said. “Today Spain and Bulgaria play the final match to see who the winner is and who the second one!”

* I’d passed the wall of platform ¾.

“Sugoi….(cool…)” I looked at the wall from where I had popped out. It didn’t taste like a solid thing at all. Passing it was fun, so I’d like to do it many times. This was my third act.
*
“Baka! Kirai desu! (you’re such a stupid. I hate you!) ” I imitated one of anime (Japanese cartoon) quotation that I liked much.

jessstretch: *files away to use as an insult on some unsuspecting person*

Haven’t I tell you that I liked anime? (-- No, you haven’t!) Ok I’ll be honest to you; I am anime freak.

“What do you say?”

It seemed like he didn’t understand Japanese, so I played once more. “I just tell I’m sorry in non-English words.” I said in my best fake smile.

“Hmm.” He hissed then he went, gone beneath the crowd.

I hope I didn’t meet that kind of conceited human being species anymore.
*
Well, I needed a sit, so I sat on the bench that made the furthest distance from him. He eyed me, heaved a big sigh of annoyance then stared at the prairie outside the window.
*
“It’s my business since I want to talk. I can’t do it with the empty air, so I have to talk to you unfortunately. And normal people should begin a conversation with another, mostly if they share a compartment.”

“I didn’t share this place with you. It’s you whom just come and sit gleefully. “He closed his eyes, moved his self as if he’s rather sleep than talked to me.
*
“#$ER!#!” said my stomach. (what a shame!) #$ER!#"umbled.et a detention." clasped my hand in front of her until she aware. agged me away.

shyfoxling: I'm not sure how to spell the grumbling noises either, but I don't think I would have chosen that way.

* Hello everyone, my name is Rosalyn Lilia Potter or, now, Harold James Potter. You see, my body is a boy now! Because of my stupid cousin in France made her potion in my tea and I DRANK it!! The potion that will make my body be the opposite gender for a year!

Of course, the potion hasn’t worn out yet. And good news for me! It has no antidote!! Merlin’s mercy! I hate my cousin now!
*
With that Draco smiled, “Oh, good. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Draco, Draco Malfoy,” and hold out this hand.

‘He doesn’t know that it’s me! His fiancé! How could he!’ she thought. Her brain was filled by the angriness.
*
After seeing her daughter’s face about France, she quickly said, “You can stay at Hogwart if you want.”

“Really? Of course, I want to stay I don’t want to see that cousin of mine’s face now or I will use Killing Curse or Cruciatus Curse with her. How dared she turning me to the boy?!”
*
‘So those are the weasels’ family, The Light Blood one.’ Harry smirked. His family didn’t fond of them rather secretly.
*
Ronald Weasleys was walking to the boy. His face had a smirk in triumph. He started punching Harry with the other members; Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, locking his arms.

Fifteen minutes later, Harry was, now, lying on the floor. His body was in the bad shape. “This’s the punishment for be sorting in the greatest house of Light Blood, Your sacrum animal!” Ron screamed.

rickfan37: I don't know whether to laugh hysterically, or shudder... I think I'll do both.

I'd comment more, but my brain is filled by the angriness. It's very morning, you see, and I haven't come yet.


Oddest priorities

* His mother smiled at him “Yes, we are really here. And it’s because you wanted us to, you are the master of death Harry.” His father grinned at him “My son, the-boy-who-lived, the chosen one, and undesirable nr. One and now … the master of death! That is pretty amazing, not to mention he is a kick as quidditch player”

* (the fic’s summary:)
Harry ran away from home when he was 7, and was taken in by street kids. Only problem, Harry's got wings. Everyone thinks he's dead, but years later, he meets professor Lupin. After that, everything starts falling apart.

* “Father, I understand your concern, but I really don’t want to go to school in America. Really? Is it necessary? I know Hogwarts has been closed this year and Mother has just been executed, but I don’t want to…”

The single helix award for biology

* He sat up and remembered his father telling him as an infant that his Grandmother and Grand-da on his Dads side of the family were both Veela. Apparently it was some huge embarrassment to the family.

* “I think you should also know that I’m also a cat creature and, if truth be told, I’m not a true werewolf. I am, technically a were canine, which allows me to become a were hyena, a were fox etc.

beardedtroll: No. It. Does. Not. Hyaenidae ≠ Canidae

shyfoxling: Vulpes vulpes, motherfucker. Do you speak it?


The George Bush award for linguistics

* “You two seem quite the charmers. I’m Charlotte Marseille,” I introduced myself. (Pronounced Mar-sell)

cybeleadam: Little piece of advice: when you don't know how a foreign word must be pronounced, don't add that kind of note.

* (1) Ego , heir of six quod in nomen of lux lucis , expello thee quod totus obscurum per thee hinc- means I, the heir of six and in the name of the light, banish thee and all darkness with thee from this place

* Jussac seemed a bit lost for a second, but recovered quickly, "Mon dieu, se imposible!

* “Sorry about the rush ‘arry” Hagrid apologised “’ought we’ be ‘ate fer the train,

* Sometimes, though, I would talk to my only source of wanted company. Her name is Argenta, meaning the silver one in Latin. She is a small snake, obviously silver, and she visits me sometimes. We talk for a small while, until the obnoxious others return. As you can see, I can speak to snakes. I am a Parselmouth. Of course though, I am the only living human to know that little fact.

anayra_hirialen: ***You are not human. You are a Voldemort!Spawn!Harry-Stu. That is a whole other species.

eir_de_scania: ***And you and Jo Rowling are the only two living humans that doesn't realize snakes are deaf, at least in the human sense. Hiss all you want, the snake can't hear you.


The “ghetto part of Mexico” award for geography

* Harry continued strolling through the night, somehow ending up somewhere in downtown London.

The JK Rowling award for maths

* She pulled the door wide, to reveal the entrance hall. James said it was divine. But this, this was what no words could describe, but I’ll try my hardest to explain. The entrance was so big you could probably fit 985,938,432 elephants in there

shyfoxling: Elephant Volume Guessing Sue!

* Slughorn smiled gently.

“Come on everybody! This will be fun!” He started to split up the class in pares of two.

* I walked into my bath and stepped into the huge shower stall. It would probably fit up to at least four people at most.

rickfan37: I can haz contradickshun?

* Three boys entered the compartment, Harry recognised one of the boy as the same pale one he’d seen in Madam Malkin’s. The other two boys were as thick in body, as Harry reckoned they were in mind, and reminded Harry of his cosine Dudley on a bad day.

The Boris Johnson award for minority awareness

* (from the author’s profile:)
7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Ilaolht


* Elise has really beautiful long black hair like me but has alluring chocolate brown eyes. She should be tall because she’s of African descent, but she’s a little on the short side and is slender.

* She grinned. “Thanks Blaise.”

“You’re welcome,” he grinned charmingly. It was then she noticed his good looks. He had bright green eyes, brighter than Harry’s, who was famous for his eyes which were witch-like.

No pun intended.

He had pale skin.

Very pale.

Unnaturally pale.

plaid_slytherin: So pale he was BLACK.

Me: To make it even funnier, a few helpful people had reviewed and said "Uh, by the way, I hear Blaise is African-American." I was reading it and thinking, like, "The 'African' bit is fine. You just need to work on that 'American' part."

falco_conlon: Oh Christ. God Bless America.

ORLY? HE'S BLACK BUT HE ISN'T FROM AFRICA. WELL THEN HE MUST BE AMERICAN.


* (The Sue has a disembodied voice stuck in her head.)
-Actually if I do remember correctly you said "no wonder you’re so in love with her, seriously, she's so gorgeous it's not even funny-"-

oh that, thanks.

-I wasn't helping you. I'm just trying to find out if I’m stuck in a gay person's head or not, because i wouldn't want to be hearing or seeing what dirty thoughts you would think of.-


The Judge Pickles award for legal procedure

* Draco lay drenched in sweat unable to move glad he hadn’t returned home for the summer holidays. Dumbledore had asked if he wanted to stay at Hogwarts because of his father’s recent demise and on going trial.

plaid_slytherin: "Your honor, the defendant hasn't said a word the entire time we've been here!"

loquora: Do I want to know what he did that was so bad that they're still prosecuting his corpse?


Most surreal scene

* To the confusion of his followers, Voldemort pulled Severus to his feet. “Severus, you have been punished as a follower, now you will be punished as my son!”

Severus’ eyes widened at that revelation. His father was acknowledging their relationship!

“And so your punishment will be…” Every one in the room was hanging on Voldemort’s every word, wondering the about the price of betrayal. “A spanking.” He finished

The silence in the room was almost palatable, he explained to his followers. “As a father, it is my duty to guide my wayward offspring. I will punish him as any father should.”

He released Severus’ arm. “Bare your bottom and lie over my lap.” He commanded.

“My Lord, please! This punishment is for children!” Severus said his face bright red, he quickly got to his feet and jumped away.

“That is ‘Father’ to you, young man!” Voldemort scolded. “Now come here!”

Through gritted teeth he pleaded, “Crucio me! Or kill me! Anything but this! It’s embarrassing!”

Body parts section

* Severus spun on his heel as he made to continue his ovular track, hands gesturing sharply as he spoke.

* Next, his eyesight was bothering him. He tried taking them off to see but they were as fuzzy without them then with them. What if he needed an even stronger eye prescription?

Despite his eyes and homework showing up randomly, he was also having stomach and muscle cramps.

* "Really? I thought you know Potter better than anyone. What's his plan?" he asks getting a little angry, putting a finger in my shin and lifting it.

manicr: Oooh, TORTURE! He must have REALLY sharp fingers.

rickfan37: Yay for Midget!Voldemort!


* Ron took his arm from Morris back and hit him over the head with it

* Red coloured magic or Light Blood was almost in Gryffindor while Green coloured magic or Dark Blood was in Slytherin. Ravenclaw was yellow or orange coloured blood because they were on Light Blood side while Hufflepuff was blue or bluish green coloured because they were on Dark Blood side.

* “Get the fuck away from my son” James said in a calm voice then hit Voldemort hard in the nose

smud_dragon: But... Voldemort doesn't HAVE a nose...

Best goth

* You once told me despite what I thought you were human. So tell me Snape," His voice dripped with venom, "exactly what part of you is human in that bloody vampire body of yours? It can't be your heart because you DON'T HAVE ONE! NOT EVEN A LITTLE TINY BLACK ONE, JUST AN EMPTY SPACE OF NOTHINGNESS." Harry fell roughly to the ground, his glasses falling somewhere beside him.
Comments 
27th-May-2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
I'd forgotten some of these gems - thanks for the reminder! :-P
29th-May-2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, you even found a quote of mine when I comment so rarely... I'm impressed! lol

I had missed some of those things (at least some of the others' comments) so it's very nice to see them here. And it's always funny to read again the most hilarious things.
3rd-Jun-2008 02:30 am (UTC)
Well, it was your mother tongue they were butchering, so I felt you should have the right of reply :D
4th-Jun-2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
"The right of reply". lol
I love it when there's French in the fics. Those Suethors always come up with weird things.
2nd-Jun-2008 06:13 am (UTC)
Man, I'm in this so many times! I feel so honoured.

Harry is being dropped off at the Dursleys' by the Ghostbusters?

My husband adds, "When someone asks if you are an Animagus, you say YES!"
This page was loaded Feb 22nd 2017, 5:40 pm GMT.