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Covered In Mice
Chapter 61: The Minster of Magic 
3rd-Jun-2008 01:24 am
Cheryl

Hiya, kids. Today I have some funny fics for you! :D Which is good, because we also have THE WORST FIC EVER AAARGH AAARGH MAKE IT GO AWAY.

 

Urrgh. *Shakes self* Phew. I think I have shaken off its vile hold on me for the moment. Let me get the crevice tool for the vacuum cleaner so I can do all those crinkly bits in my brain.

 

Best New Word: has just got to be “arus”. Arse or anus? Bets, please.

Helping hands

 

(from the author’s profile:)

Plot themes I hate: Draco being a Mudblood. Hermione being a Pureblood. They are what they are. Thats what makes the story good. Hermione being realtied to Draco or the dark lord. Hermione being a slut. Draco being a rappisted.Hermione being rapped. Story that are not story at all, there just a lot of lemoins with no plot what so ever! Story that are some what realist. (Note: I saw one once we're D/H were doing for play in the middle of class and no one saw. Sorry that is so unrealisted! I couldn't stand it.)

 

Plot I like: Any one that is good! Draco being a Veela and Hermione being his mate. Storys that have ppl that are not in Harry Potter.

 

In my storys: I love Red/Rudolf he is the funist one to wright for. Becouse what he can/would say in unlimet! I love all my own charters, but Reds just my fav.

*

A/n: The spelling and grammar is bad, but I don’t have the patients to wait for a beta

 

A/n: The spelling and grammar is bad, but I don’t have the patients to wait for a beta. I update almost daily and if I sent my chapters to a beta I would not be able to do so. I’ve had Beta’s in the passed and I always end up waiting MONTHS to get my work back. I hate leaving my readers hanging for more then a week at the most. SO you have a chose fast updates or Better spelling and grammar. ((P.S. I am a Dyslexic and I do use the spell check so please no flames on that)) Also I do not follow the books at all. I hate Harry potter, I just loved the pairing of Hermione/Draco

*

“Draco dear are you alright?” His mother asked as she came up behind him. She had taken to checking on him ever 30 minutes now that he was sick. She had stopped sleeping by his bed and flowing him around the house when he showed sighs of getting a little better.

*

“I’m ok mum just a little winded” He said to her as she bent down to brush his bans out of his face.

*

As soon as he said the teachers would be looking out for him she got louder and kind of whaled like she was dieing. All Draco could think was ‘Wow she has as much faith in the teachers as I do’. Needless too say when the train finely showed up he was happy to see it. That was until he was greeted by Hagrid (is that spelled right?) who was going to sit with him for the ride.

 

The large man had to help Draco peal his mother off him so he could get on the freaken train. The two then moved into a compartment witch the large goon hardly fit in. ‘Grate go form whaling mum to over sized idiot…Oh gods if Potter and his stupid friends find out this guys on the train they’ll be in here too’ He closed his eyes leaning his head on the window as the train started to move.

 

“You feeling alright?” Came a much too loud voice a crossed form him.

*

“Yeah, just a little sleepy” Draco said moving back into the set. Well that did it the next thing he knew Hagrid was pulling out pillows and blackest, telling him to lay down and take it easy. He even pulled down the shad.

*

His eyes weren’t shut to long before the door was open letting in some light. “HAY HAGRID” came a trio of voices. Draco pulled the covers over his head with a soft grown.

*

Once at the school plate form Hagrid got off first to help Draco who had his hood up into a horseless carriage.

*

“Please have a set Miss. Granger” The headmaster said as Granger walked deeper into the room taking a set. The old fart started to tell them how grate being a head was, along with their duties and what not.

*

“Shut up” He growled throwing open his door his knees trembled a bit. Granger snapped right back at him.

 

“Will you grow up already! WE were just told to do this!” She whinnied at him form her side of the room.

*

“Gods Malfoy you’d think you’d come up with something new to call me after seven years” Granger said folding her arms over her chest. They glared at one another for a while before she rolled her eyes out of announces “Fine you spoiled brat will you get your arus out here and job you job or not?”

*

‘Bloodily pain in my arus’ was his last thought before he fell asleep.

 

The Second Generation

 

(the fic’s summary:)

Albus Potter, Rose Weasley and Scoripus Malfoy meet on the train one day. They are about to start their first year. What could happen?

*

Albus, Rose and Scorpius wedged themselves into a boat, and they were shortly joined by another girl. She had short messy black hair and big dark violet eyes.

*

“The firs’-years, Professor Neuro,” said Hagrid.

*

(from the Sorting song:)

Divided in houses you may be,

But don’t forget these memories,

United once against the Dark Lord

Together we fought with Dumbledore.

So put me on but don’t forget,

These words of wisdom in your head,

When the time comes you’ll realize

What are true friends and who really lies.”

*

“Amish, Tony!” A dark haired boy fell out of the line, put on the hat, which fell over his eyes, and sat down. The rip reappeared in the hat after a moment –

 

“SLYTHERIN!” shouted the hat.

 

The table on the far right cheered loudly, and Tony Amish took off the hat and went to sit at the Slytherin table.

 

“Cabot, Megan!”

 

“RAVENCLAW!”

*

“Honjo, Nana!” The girl with the violet eyes walked up to the stool, placed the hat on her head and the hat shouted –

 

“RAVENCLAW!”

*

“Ron!” Hermione interjected. She glanced at the Albus, Rose, Lily and Hugo, who were all seated in front of the fire, playing a complicated game of Gobstones. However, their faces were all turned to their father’s conversation. Lily’s gobstone rolled to a stop and squirted nasty smelling black liquid in Hugo’s eye, who yelled and jumped up.

*

“Good afternoon class. I’m Professor Luxor,” she said, standing primly in front of the class.

*

“Serious Potter, that was your kid brother?” One of the seniors looked from James to Albus.

 

The Crown's Warrior (please, please, please be a troll. Or at least get removed from ff.net for writing about real people.)

 

(the fic’s summary:)

At the age of six, Harry Potter was adopted by the British Royal Family, he has been trained to be the Crowns Ambassador in the Magical World, but for seven years he stayed out of it until now, Harry Potter is coming back and he is taking no prisoners.

*

Harry jumped in pain as the man grabbed his arm, causing him to cry out. He was still recovering from his wounds. As the Queen Guard looked at the boy, he could see the blood covering his shirt and the boy was taking ragged, shallow breaths. Harry could feel the darkness taking him as the Guard member caught the boy and began running toward the security entrance.

 

“Open the door!” he yelled as he held the boy tighter to his chest, “For God sakes open that door.”

 

Major Michel Williams watched from his post as Captain John Rose ran toward the door, carrying something in his arm. Normally, Michel would have waited, but when the light coming from above, he saw that the bundle was a small boy. As soon as the door opened, the Captain ran inside St. James Palace towards the medical area. He didn't even bother to give a bow to the Royal Family as he ran past them. Queen Elizabeth looked at around and saw what appeared to be a medic running to catch up with the runner. Elizabeth was certain that she saw a small buried boy in the Captains arm, deciding to see what was going on she turned toward the medical area of the Palace, and caused the rest of her family to follow.

*

The child was cover in bruises and it look like he had most of his bones broken.

*

Those in the room turned when they heard someone gasps, standing in the door way was Queen Elizabeth the Second, Prince Philip, the Prince and Princess of Wales, Duke and Duchess of York, Earl of Wessex, and the Princess Royal with her husband the Earl of Hereford. All of the women had looks of shock on their faces as they looked at the poor boy that lay on the bed and the men had anger or rage covering their faces. Thomas turned his attention back on the child, as he began to moan as he woke up.

*

In another part of St. James Palace, the Royal Family sat around a table staring at each other. There was one thing that was not generally known and that was that the British Royal Family were Squibs and they had all attended a magical school in the realm under a false name or they had dealings with the magical world. It had been a while since anyone in the Royal Family had displayed any magical powers and they had a unique situation on their hands.

*

As Elizabeth held the child she began to rub his back, like she used to when her own children were younger, “We're not going to send you anywhere, you will be remaining here with us, but first I would like you to meet you new guardians, my son Charles and his wife Diana.”

*

Elizabeth nodded as she walked back toward her desk, and looked at the four letters on her desk, one was the adoption of Harry Potter and changing his name to Harry James Potter-Mountbatten-Windsor; she had another letter which made him Lord Lieutenant of Banffshire, another letter named him as Duke of Cleveland, Baron Nonsuch and Earl of Southampton and the last one was closed letter to the Commandant of the Shielder Guard to start training Harry within the month. She slowly wrapped the Letters Patent in government package to be delivered to Harry within the week and the Letter close was getting sent to Brigadier General Maximus Swain, Commanding Officer of The Shielder Guard. Harry would have the best training before she allowed him to enter the magical world; He would be the Monarch Hands, the Crown’s Warrior as well as the Crown’s Magical Ambassador.

*

Seven Years Later, July 31, 1994
Location: Buckingham Palace

 

Harry was late for a meeting with his grandmother as he ran down the halls of the Palace. He was dress in the uniform befitting the Commandant of the Shielder Guard. During his training he was the nominal Colonel of the Regiment after his adopted by the Royal Family, since the age of eleven he had been taking a more active role in the regiment from protection detail to mission dealing with wizards in the area.

 

'I wonder what grandmother wants me for today?' Harry thought as he rounded a corner he bumped in to someone and knocked them both to the floor. Across from him he found himself looking at the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Mister Tony Blair.

*

“Shield, At Ease,” Harry said once he locked the box, “Also, Dumbledore you will address me as Your Highness or I will forcefully remove you. Your Majesty may I present the Minister of Magic, Minister Fudge and the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Albus Dumbledore, by you leave.”

*

Fudge looked at Dumbledore allowing him to take the lead, “Your Majesty, a new law has been passed in the Wizarding World as of two days ago. It states that any heir to a Noble and Most Ancient House must attend Hogwarts regardless of age, otherwise, The Estate, meaning all the money and properties will go to the public or the next magical relative.”

 

No one was looking at the rage that appeared on Harry's face as he looked at the two men. They had been trying to force him to attend Hogwarts for the past three years and now they were bring this to him.

*

“Harry, are you okay,” A voice asked from his right causing Harry to flick both his wrist causing his wand to jump from their holsters and into his hands, before he even said a curse, he found himself looking at his beautiful adopted cousin.

 

A small smile came upon his face, as he re-holstered his wands, “Sorry Zara, you know better than to sneak up on me.”

*

Albus Dumbledore watched as the last of the first year was sorted into Ravenclaw. He was beginning to wonder if Harry Potter would ever show up when the Great Hall’s doors were forced open as Harry Potter walked into the room followed by another female, as well as guards from each of the Foot Guard, one of the guard stopped at the door and pulled out a piece of paper, “In accordance with the Wizengamot Accord of Education of 1994, I present His Royal Highness Colonel Harry James Potter-Mountbatten-Windsor who will be entering his fourth year in his education and Her Grace, the Duchess of Windsor, Zara Anne Elizabeth Phillips, whom will join the third year students as order by the Queen, God Save the Queen.”

 

Everyone watched in wonder as Harry walked toward the Head Table with Zara remaining at his side, there guards held there hands on their sidearm as they walked behind them. They were scanning the Hall for any threat to their Commanding Officer and the Duchess. As they came to stop in front of the table, Harry turned around and looked at Major Jason Williams standing in the doorway, “Major, you are to return to the men and began to set up camp. You are not to move into the forest and Major, I want everyone rest, training restarts tomorrow.”

 

Major Williams nodded as he left his Prince with this unknown wizards and witches. When the Major had left the castle Harry turned back toward the Headmaster and he could feel his rage building at this man and sneered as he said, “Professor Dumbledore, I have arrived as your have demand, can we please get this over with.”

*

This time the Gryffindor table went insane now that they contained two members of the Royal Family joining them.

*

(a review:)

How long does the law say Harry has to stay at Hogwarts?

If a time is not listed then Harry only need to stay at Hogwarts a nanosecond.

Since the Magical World is forcing Harry to attend Hogwarts, bill them 1 Google (10 with 99 zeros) per second while Harry is forced to attend Hogwarts. See how they like to pay the price.

The Queen pics The Minster of Magic, Make Harry The Minster of Magic.

If Albus Dumbledore alows harn to Harry wile at Hogwarts arest Albus Dumbledore for atemped merder.

If Harry is forced to addend Hogwarts have Harry being a large personal gard force with him.

If Harry does not realy want to go to Hargwarts, tranfer every thang to The Queen, that way the Magical world can not take Harry's thangs, also make Harry an adult.

Looking for more.

Comments 
3rd-Jun-2008 12:54 am (UTC)
Draco being a rappisted.

Barista? Rapper? Rapids rower?

... all three?

I hate Harry potter

Just like half the fandom, then.

3rd-Jun-2008 01:17 am (UTC)
jeeze. Judging by the number of dyslexics writing fanfic, an outsider might think it were some sort of requirement. That and aspergers.
3rd-Jun-2008 02:11 am (UTC)
‘Bloodily pain in my arus’ was his last thought before he fell asleep.

If my arus was in pain AND bloody I don't know if I would be able to fall asleep.


Possibly because I'd be so confused as to what an 'arus' was and why I had one.

Seven Years Later, July 31, 1994
...
Across from him he found himself looking at the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Mister Tony Blair.


Alright, I'm not even British and I know that Tony Blair wasn't PM in 1994. (Yes, I had to look it up, and it was John Major. Now I feel stupid because I should have known that. >_< )

“Serious Potter, that was your kid brother?” One of the seniors looked from James to Albus.

I always liked Serious Potter so much more than his brothers. Silly Potter was just so silly, and Pretentious Potter always looked down his nose at everyone.
3rd-Jun-2008 02:18 am (UTC)
Alright, I'm not even British and I know that Tony Blair wasn't PM in 1994.

That's part of what makes me hope it's a troll. I think there are other mistakes in the timeline as well, but I know next to nothing about the Windsors so I'm not sure...

I wouldn't feel bad about forgetting Major, he was a bit of a nonentity. XD
3rd-Jun-2008 02:49 am (UTC)
she got louder and kind of whaled like she was dieing

No, usually when she whales, the *whales* die.

“Will you grow up already! WE were just told to do this!” She whinnied at him form her side of the room.

First the whales, then Hagrid's shad, now horse!Hermione... this story has too many animals!

Scoripus

Now that Voldemort's dead, we ought to start compiling misspellings of Scorpius's name. And see how close they get to "scrotum."

Does anyone at all ever have three last names, normal people OR royalty?

A voice asked from his right causing Harry to flick both his wrist causing his wand to jump from their holsters and into his hands, before he even said a curse, he found himself looking at his beautiful adopted cousin.

It took me forever to picture what this sentence meant. At first I thought he was throwing his wand at Zara...

I also love how the reviewer apparently wants the story to end, the way they are suggesting all these loopholes...
3rd-Jun-2008 02:57 am (UTC)
“Will you grow up already! WE were just told to do this!” She whinnied at him form her side of the room.

And then Draco reported her to the Ministry for being a mixed-blood centaur with a wand.

“Divided in houses you may be,
But don’t forget these memories,
United once against the Dark Lord
Together we fought with Dumbledore.

Except for the kids in Slytherin;
That house may as well be a trash bin.

Her Grace, the Duchess of Windsor, Zara Anne Elizabeth Phillips
Ebbeh wha?
British peerage, Suethor, do you speak it? The title is extinct. And good lord, Zara? Her Majesty would not be amused, and she's not even Queen Victoria.
3rd-Jun-2008 03:14 am (UTC)
Good, I was hoping that someone who understood the aristocracy would pop up and take the piss out of the made-up titles. >:D
3rd-Jun-2008 01:37 pm (UTC)
And then Draco reported her to the Ministry for being a mixed-blood centaur with a wand.

"I'm your worst fuckin' nightmare, man. I'm a centaur with a badge wand, which means I got permission to kick your fuckin' ass whenever I feel like it!"
3rd-Jun-2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
So I was thinking about it some more (I know, I know, trying to insert logic into a Suefic is bad for the brain), and why on Earth would Her Majesty have let Harry stay back from Hogwarts? By being in the school, he would gain a much more in-depth knowledge of the relationships between the people who will be in power when he's an adult, as well as making important connections with them and being able to report any oddities to the Queen or Minister of Magic. And with his royal connections, he would have a better idea of what to keep an eye out for, instead of just relying on sheer dumb luck.

Somehow I can't see her saying anything other than "Lie back Suck it up and think of England."
3rd-Jun-2008 05:52 am (UTC)
I’ve had Beta’s in the passed and I always end up waiting MONTHS to get my work back.“HAY HAGRID”
OMG, it's a giant hairy Hagrid-shaped scarecrow!

The Sorting Hat song: RHYMING; UR DOIN IT RONG.

“Cabot, Megan!”
*headdesk*

The child was cover in bruises and it look like he had most of his bones broken.
Um...so many things wrong with that observation.

And the suggestions for the royalty story made me want to sob. And giggle at the "thang" bit. Heheh.
3rd-Jun-2008 05:57 am (UTC)
Argggh, it screwed up my text AGAIN.
What it was meant to say was:

I’ve had Beta’s in the passed and I always end up waiting MONTHS to get my work back.
As a beta myself, let me tell you soemthing. The crappier your work is, the longer it takes to sift throguh the grammar mistakes, sentence structure, completely and utterly redundant storylines, etc etc. I salute your beta for only taking months.

“HAY HAGRID”
OMG, it's a giant hairy Hagrid-shaped scarecrow!

I have no idea why LJ keeps eating my sporks. :(
3rd-Jun-2008 07:11 am (UTC)
Story that are some what realist. (Note: I saw one once we're D/H were doing for play in the middle of class and no one saw. Sorry that is so unrealisted! I couldn't stand it.)
***I'm confused. Does s/h/it like realistic stories or not?

I hate Harry potter
***Then why the hell are you writing fanfiction for it? Not even past the author's note and I'm already hopelessly confused - this is a new record for me.

Plot I like: Any one that is good! Draco being a Veela and Hermione being his mate. Storys that have ppl that are not in Harry Potter.
***Oh dear.

Albus Potter, Rose Weasley and Scoripus Malfoy meet on the train one day
***Not another "Next-Gen Trio" Fic. Why does everyone assume those three will be best friends forever?

"Nana Honjo"
***Supa-speshul coloured eyes? Check. Weird name? Check. Probably connection with other characters? Check. I think we have ourselves a Sparklypoo!

As for the last fic...good grief. I have no words. Let's all hope it's a troll.
3rd-Jun-2008 10:18 am (UTC)
I hate Harry potter, I just loved the pairing of Hermione/Draco

*gives up*

No, wait - teh Royal Family one??

Even apart from the impossibility of Zara Philips ever being made Duchess of Windsor, well Queen Elizabeth the Second, Prince Philip, the Prince and Princess of Wales, Duke and Duchess of York, Earl of Wessex, and the Princess Royal with her husband the Earl of Hereford - Princess Anne's husband doesn't have a title, and Prince Edward wasn't made Earl of Wessex until 1999, by which time the Yorks were long divorced and the princess of Wales was dead.

*cannot believe I am frothing about this*

Duke of Cleveland, Baron Nonsuch and Earl of Southampton

OK, this is creepy - those were the titles Charles II created for one of his mistresses, Barbara Palmer... what is this fic implying about Harry and the Queen?
3rd-Jun-2008 11:16 am (UTC)
The spelling and grammar is bad, but I don’t have the patients to wait for a beta
***I have patients, but they have problems of their own and no interest in my fanfics.

Also I do not follow the books at all. I hate Harry potter, I just loved the pairing of Hermione/Draco
***Not uncommon in this fandom, only the favourite non-canon pairing differ

She had stopped sleeping by his bed and flowing him around the house when he showed sighs of getting a little better.
***You're supposed to do that? Three years of university-level education to become a nurse, and you're not told this basic information. You don't even learn how to "flow" your patients correctly. Or even what it *is*.

‘Bloodily pain in my arus’ was his last thought before he fell asleep.
***Waking up next morning with a terrible hangover

“Serious Potter, that was your kid brother?” One of the seniors looked from James to Albus.
***This one is easy to explain: to distinguish him from the three other James in his year, James P went by his second name, Sirius, at Hogwarts. And we all know suethors can't spell.

Harry Potter is coming back and he is taking no prisoners.
***It's all about hand waving and opening exhibitions and being chased by paparazzi
3rd-Jun-2008 11:57 am (UTC)
Fudge looked at Dumbledore allowing him to take the lead, “Your Majesty, a new law has been passed in the Wizarding World as of two days ago.

The queen looked evenly at Fudge for a long moment. "Really? And what of the Royal Assent?"

If Albus Dumbledore alows harn to Harry wile at Hogwarts arest Albus Dumbledore for atemped merder.

"Attempted merder" -- the ancient, and mostly forgotten, crime of an Englishman trying to be French.

another letter named him as Duke of Cleveland,

Poor Prince Edwards. Even adopted strays are given more prominent ranks than him. Makes you wonder just what his mother has against him.

3rd-Jun-2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
Makes you wonder just what his mother has against him.
***I blame Prince Philip
4th-Jun-2008 02:22 am (UTC)
"Attempted merder" -- the ancient, and mostly forgotten, crime of an Englishman trying to be French.

Or of trying to swear in French, perhaps.
4th-Jun-2008 09:11 pm (UTC)
lol It's possible...

Also, "merder" is a verb (well, not one that can be find in official dictionaries, of course!) that means something like "to make a mistake" so, to me, "merder" in that sentence looks like the English spelling of an imaginary French word ("merdeur") that would refer to a person who's always making mistakes. ^^ (Now...why on Earth would one want to be a "merdeur"? That's the confusing part.)
4th-Jun-2008 02:22 am (UTC)
Hermione being rapped.

I dunno, sometimes I'd like to give her a good rap on the head...

Draco being a Veela and Hermione being his mate.

Because that's SO DIFFERENT IN PRINCIPLE from the Mudblood!Draco / pure-blood!Hermione stuff you were ranting about.

I hate leaving my readers hanging for more then a week at the most. SO you have a chose fast updates or Better spelling and grammar.

Or you could... you know... write it all, beta it all, and then start posting.

Sorry, was that Earth logic?

‘Bloodily pain in my arus’

You should probably get that checked.

“The firs’-years, Professor Neuro,” said Hagrid.

Also Professors Utonium and the LOBE!

When the time comes you’ll realize
What are true friends and who really lies.”


This is one of the better Sorting Hat songs I've seen, actually.

Harry Potter and the Royal Family: WTF? It looks too sensitively done to be a troll, though. Trolls are usually more blatantly ridiculous than that...
4th-Jun-2008 08:36 pm (UTC)
Albus, Rose and Scorpius wedged themselves into a boat, and they were shortly joined by another girl. She had short messy black hair and big dark violet eyes.
"A Mary Sue!" exclaimed Rose, horrified.
And she threw the scary creature in the lake.

“Honjo, Nana!” The girl with the violet eyes [...]
Rose didn't manage to get rid of her, then? *sigh*

*goes back to read*
5th-Jun-2008 06:02 am (UTC)
The squid threw her out, he/she doesn't want Mary Sues polluting his/her loch. The toilet flushing is bad enough.
5th-Jun-2008 08:53 am (UTC)
lol But yes, it must be that! Pity... Let's hope Rose will find something else.
5th-Jun-2008 10:04 am (UTC)
I'm sure Hagrid would be able to provide some kind of creature that's not too fussy about what it eats...
5th-Jun-2008 10:13 am (UTC)
Oh, good idea! ^^
6th-Jun-2008 12:09 am (UTC)
"I hate leaving my readers hanging for more then a week at the most. SO you have a chose fast updates or Better spelling and grammar. "

I choose...better grammar over faster updates! Who's with me??

*crickets chirp*

Sigh. -_-;; English, as we know it, is dead on the net.
6th-Jun-2008 12:19 am (UTC)
That happened ages ago.

(Darling bastard cousin of French and German, we hardly knew thee.)
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