Worst and funniest summaries
* Basically a rewrite of the fifth book in my own style. a bit more in with the way the fans want the characters to be and 2 new OCs, you don't like it don't read it. review, however if your going to be pleasent.
* POST DEATHY HALLOWS! SPOILER WARNING! Cat was an innocent muggleborn, then Voldemort tore apart her world. The Werewolf's bite has infected her and now she must stay with the Weasleys.
la_fono: They had a small werewolf sanctuary at the bottom of the garden. Arthur found the howling to be a most effective gnome deterrent.
* An elf has come into Harry's life!What to do?Harry didn't count on finding love that's for sure.How can Karin get back to her own world?What will Harry do?What will happe with a relatioship i the mix?I woder.Ignores HG's flig i HBP.Full summary iside!
* Just read it, then you'll find out what it is about.
* Summary: Hogwarts has a masquerade ball, and no one is aloud to go with a date. Only friends of the same sex can know what you look like!
pica_scribit: Translation: I wanted to create an incredibly unlikely set of circumstances which would result in Hermione boning Malfoy.
* Snape has had a harsh life of loneliness until his eyes wandered onto Hedwig, Harry's owl. Can she show Snape what real love is after a controlling relationship with Lucius Malfoy?
* “I love you.” She murmured to him. He only just heard her but he read the message within the doors of her soul.disclaimereverything belongs to Jk Rowing & its herecoz i forgot to put this in the story and wont let me replace this chapter.DarkThemes
pica_scribit: Way to cut to a commercial break. And also, "the doors of her soul"? Really?
* siriusoc remusoc lilyjameswell i gueds its wat i said up there but ive treid to make it funny but with some twists lol
plaid_slytherin: What's James doing with that well?
* yea quill entry for the hideaway
* The story of Sirius Black, the Hogwarts Champion. Please no like of Marauders doign thing that Harry Did, no read Okay? I am not JK Rowling. Rated T for Violence and Pregnancy
* Sirius is kiddnaped by voldemort when he is made the potters secret kepper
* Bellatrix has been hidding her last resort for a whie now. (Many people who call what she was hidding a ‘secret weapon’. ) Including during her time in Azkaban. She hid it from everyone. Apart from the Dark Lord. She proudly showed him it’s power and pretenshol after she escaped from her imprisenment. Now it was time for her to show it to the young wizard. The Ledgendary Harry Potter!
* Evil was winning ,, well this was a story for english at first, but i edited it for a hp fanfiction, it was originally two sisters fighting to the death, so Ron might be called a girl LOL, and if kunai shows it meens wand, or knife ] enjoy and review!
* 17 year old Hermione Granger woke up at 10 o’clock on a Monday morning. She sat up while listening to the birds chirping then eventually got up. She took a 10 minute shower then got dressed to go to Diagon Alley to gather supplies for school.Arriving at t
* Two famous teens start at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But why do they dissappear each night? Whats his secret and why can she push Hagrid away?
* Evil Sirius Black, Witty Retorts, Angst, Deathes, Blood, ActionAdventure, Mystery, Inquiries, Deceives, Spies, Unconscious Remus Lupin, Couragous Peter Pettigrew, Heroic Loosers, Competetive James Potter and Mature Bonnie Silbernagle. R&R
eir_de_scania: This fic can't live up to its summary. It just can't.
Peculiar musical instruments
* I have given the Submarine Violin to your son as he loves to play it.
* "Dudley I'm sorry to tell you this but there is such thing as magic and I am a wizard and your parents are lyres. They never told us that I was a wizard because they thing magic is evil or something."
Inability to spell “bespectacled”
* In fact, ever since that day, every time the bespeckled young man walked into this classroom, he could not extinguish an odd feeling of guilt that impinged upon his gut, a sentiment that proved itself to be inexorable as time went on, even as he let weeks go by without chastening the troublemaker with his usual rancour.
* "HARRY" Hermione screamed looking for her best friend in distress
The bespecaled boy had been misiing for hours already and he had been no where to be seen
* “Let me guess blondie, you’re one of those arrogant players that goes around think they’re all tough shit. You’re egotistical and annoying, yet some how girls still fall for you. Well you know what? Next time you think about talking to my cousin like that again, or anyone else for that matter, you’d better watch , and don’t think I’ll hesitate°your back because I will make your life do a 360 to do so.” I said smugly.
* You will be married in Elvin and Vampiric custom depending on your answer to my wife’s question. Any questions?”
“Um…yeah what do you mean by ‘Elvin and Vampiric custom’?”
“Oh, well I’m an Elf and my wife is a Vampire.” “oh… ok.”
* His father was angry that Dumbledore left his son with those people and was amazed with his son’s power and nauigle.
ajat (at her own journal): HUH what ???
* The wooden door finally opened and the smell of crispy bacon and fried eggs waffled up his nose as well as revealing a short plump woman with a kind face.
* Harry Potter was sitting between his friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger eating his favorite dessert, meat pie with pumpkin juice to the side.
ajat (at her own journal): Uh ? Meat pie with pumpkin juice is a dessert ? Must try it sometime ... *Mental note* ... possibly just before my demise ...
* Louise grimaced as she heard the thud of her aunt’s body as it hit the floor. He last living relative lay dead on the floor.
* I have to tell someone that would understand me to a degree that…that wouldn’t think that I was going crazy, speculated Harry, someone that has been there. I need someone like…like Professor Trelawney.
* She was very pretty, even with her mouth open like an ape. I wanted to look like her. Her dark blonde hair was tied up so I could see her “blind” eyes. She really wasn’t though.
* Most people get confused when they try to figure out the puzzle that’s wrapped around a maze, which is inside a locked chest that has the label ‘Harry Potter’ on it.
thelittlebudgie: I... can't say I blame them.
* Ron Weasley was making his way down the stairs of the Burrow when he walked into (quite literally, too) Fred and George.
* The sky was beautiful, tinged with reds and pink, purples and blues, oranges and yellows. He was serene. Harry had never appreciated its unfailing ways so much as he did not.
* “It was a long ride in my mums car and im so happy to get out of that bloody vehicle, I ran all the way up here without taking a breath” Ron stammered.
pica_scribit: Hermione stared at him for a moment. "I guess you must have," she said at last. "The lack of oxygen might explain the delusion that your mother owns a car and drove you here all the way from Devon.”
* As the last words came out of Dumbledore’s mouth, he Apparated out of sight without any the wiser, one person did, and that person was Harry Potter who was currently paying Mr. Robert and then setting up some tents that Mr. Weasley brought with him at the campsite.
* Ginny yelled quietly, so the captain wouldn’t hear her
* It didn't go unnoticed that Laurent seemed to clear a path for Draco, but that was only because most of the class was paying attention to Laurent. What did go unnoticed, was Charlene clearing the way to the front for Harry. Admittidly, she had to clear the way for Ron and Hermione as well and it wasn't to hard to do.
* (Hermione is in St. Mungo’s:)
Ginny and Harry were anxious, but Ron was terrified. And he covered it up by screwing the Healers.
* The girl was of a slim curving build as she lounged on the bench seat of the train. Her long legs crossed at the ankle and propped on the seat opposite her. Her skin was a golden tanned colour and her hair was a blazing white and tied neatly at the nape of her neck in an intricate knot. Not white platinum blonde, not silver, but snow white hair coiled like a cool snake.
The girl at the window, turned blowing cigarette smoke over her shoulder and out the open window as she glared at the white haired girl who was so obviously her twin. ‘Nara, we’ve had a talk about manners.’ She said lightly and took another draw from the black cigarette in her porcelain skinned hand. Her eyes were a flashing emerald green, much brighter than Harry’s and she tossed thickly curling brown hair out of her wide thickly lashed eyes before smiling kindly at Harry.
He didn’t see Nara’s fist as it flew towards his face. He didn’t even realise he had been struck until he hit the stone floor of the great hall and was peering up at a livid Slytherin druid in dove grey jumper and bootleg trousers over white shirt and leather boots. Her eyes bled fire as she glared down at him and the gold parts of her tattoos shimmered on her face and neck. Harry’s jaw crunched on his face and he had the strong feeling that it was broken.
* My father holds one of the highest positions in the Ministry of Magic, and my mother is well-known for hosting dinner parties and galas, that are extravagant even compared to Wizarding standards. I am treated like a celebrity and live the life of one, while I have done nothing to deserve it. I want to be your run-of-the-mill witch. I want to go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and be around kids my own age. I refused point-blank to my parents’ suggestion of hiring a private tutor. I’m tired of special treatment and endless dinner parties and business functions.
I want friends who will stand by me and won’t judge me because of my lineage. I want people to get to know me, Lena, the ebony-haired, blue-eyed, outgoing fireball, and not Princess Selena Rose De’Lore, a girl pretending to be someone that she isn’t in order to please the world.
* A skinny girl emerged from the jumble of cloaks and robes looking irritated. She had long black hair down to her back and strange, penetrating indigo eyes. Her milky white pale skin contrasted brilliantly with her hair. Tallon imagined that she would hold herself rather gracefully despite her aggravated expression.
"I heard you all introduce yourselves twice all ready, thank you," said Ebony Dumbledore, but not in a rude voice. She took one long sweeping look at every one within the compartment. Tallon noticed that her indigo eyes lingered over his bright crystalline blue ones and over his hair.
Ebony suddenly did something very odd. She bared her front teeth at Malfoy, snarling. It was a few seconds before Tallon realized that Ebony had fangs, fangs that grew past her bottom lip.
jessstretch: Ahh, it's Walrus!Sue!
Me: *Cuddles* Don't worry, she's just pretending.
la_fono: I was making a walrus! I won't pass up a cuddle, though. ;B
Me: Oh. Oops. I thought you were mourning the death of eir_de_scania XD
(We also have an icon:)
Random computer equipment
* When Harry entered the dormitory he could hear light moans coming from Ron's bed. Hermione he thought. It's so not fare! Ron can be so open about his relationship, so long as the prosessers don't find out, while I have to do all this sneaking around.
* Draco and Lucius both spit the tea they were drinking out as they gapped at the petite boy beside them, while Sirius roared with laughter with the rest of the table and Servers flashed an amused smirk and the black haired boy.
* “Stinking Mudblood witch,” Ginny seethed as she stormed into her compartment.
* Dearest Draco,
The Hogwarts letters have just arrived, I'm sure you've got yours by now. Hermione and Ron have just been named prefects. I am mad at Dumbledore -- I've done loads more than Hermione and Ron combined, why make them prefect and not me?
I wish you were here right now. I wish that every single moment, but right now, I'm needing you more than ever. The pain my scar is bringing me is just terrible. I just want to lie in your arms.
Hedwig will wait for your reply. I really need it.
Craving for you,
* Harry. He had called him Harry…for the first time, ever. To his horror, Harry began to feel tears filling his eyes. He wiped them away, frantically, before Snape could turn around and yell at him for being so weak and emotionally vulnerable.
Dear boy, how could I ever yell at you right now? Snape marveled tenderly in silence, after having had impulsively delved into the boy’s mind to read his thoughts.
“Please, Professor Snape. I know you hate me but I really don’t think you’re so bad. Please, please don’t hand me over to…to…you-know-who. I promise I’ll never cause you any trouble ever again. I’ll do anything!” Harry whimpered unabashedly, kneeling before his pitiless professor.
* “Ernie?” She sneered. “Ernie (Macmillan) tried to grope me, and then went off with another girl, but not before he dragged me to all the shops he wanted to go to. He said that none of my shops mattered, because it was petty girl stuff, so I hexed him and then he spotted Hannah Abbott. He went off with her, as I stormed over here.”
* This is starting to get on my nerves, mudbloods eating with purebloods, they out to be bound and thrown to the muggles. Ron thought as he clutched his fork.
* (Sirius delivers his spiel to his therapist and the Marauders:)
“It feels like I’m trapped at sea in a storm and I’ll never find my way out, like I’m drowning in the water and I can’t find up, and I hate it, but I just can’t do anything about it. No matter how hard I try to look on the brightside of things, I just can’t. It’s like every time I get close to the surface I get turned upside down and backwards again, and it’s just not fair. I have to fight just to make myself live, and why should I when I really don’t want to? I’m not who everyone thinks I am! I mean yeah, that’s me, but not the true me, I’m really this messed up, abused, unwanted, outcast kid who knows all to well what it’s like to have his parent’s hate him. I did it because I was sick of life, I still am, and to make it worse I don’t know how to fix myself, so if any of you know a better way to fix me besides the masochism of me torturing myself by reliving my entire life please tell me, because I cannot deal with this.”
jessstretch: Please, please tell him, marauders! It's not only himself that he's torturing with that painful recount.
Deeply strange modes of speech
* “Oye prongs wat up man u look very troubled?” Padfoot said biting into his sandwich.
* "vat ze hell?" she (Fleur) asked dipping into her accent
* "He was dueling Dolohov" shouted Aberforth. ⌠Haven▓t seen him since"
* "Oh zeer, zu are een the we'zarding world now, z'urely zu muss't know that we we'rk at a high z'peed", she said smiling kindly and handing her a book. "Z'is book 'az nu'mer'ezz byoo'ty z'pells ".
* As she was lying on her bed hedwing flew in with a letter from Harry.
* And of course our bond then tells me he needs my help so I go to run down the stairs but Prongsie-chan and Paddy-chan just HAD to make the top step make me trip and fall whenever I try to run down the stairs, so I fall down them and land flat on my ass at the bottom.
* “Please wake up Draco please. Hen says you might lose your magic I just wanted to let you know I’ll still love you no matter what. God I don’t know if I could ever stop loving you… come back to me my Drangel I…I need you.” Hermione was now sobbing hysterically.
* “I, Neville Godic Longbottem...”
* “I Charles Chalie Weasley of Mars...”
* The baby was a girl, named Drakkina Alexia Malfoy which meant: Defender of the Dragon of Bad Faith. They called her, 'Kina'.
(Note: “alexia” is Latin for “inability to read”.)
* i don't have the whole story planned out, but the main characters are rose weasly forgive me if i spelled that wrongalbus potter and lola longbottom.
* "Where is Everyone?" she asked Ron.
* Meme stood up. Meme was part of Ashley’s twit group.
* Peeves the poltergeist was floating lazily above them. Shooting ink pellets at a painting of Montgumary the Tibetan Monk. Montgumary was yelling as he ran into a neighboring picture of Sir Codugon and his fat, gray pony.
Peter, if asked to go see the Bloody Barren, would probably wet his pants in fright and then start to cry.
“He was sick at breakfast or maybe he fainted or something, remember we left early so we weren’t there, but Josh Martian told me that-”
* "Damage control" Kaitlin groaned at Jamesshuting the door.
* “I’ll take it from here Severius.” Dumbledore said. Snape walked off cursing under his breath.
rickfan37: "Damn it, Dumbledore. All these years and you still can't get my sodding name right!"
* Logbottom, Neville!
Atrum: *polite cough* Poor sod.
* The girl sitting towards the isle had blonde hair, with bangs across her forehead. She had brown eyes, and was tall. Her name was Amanda Queeb.
* ‘Maybe … in a few years time. So what’s your name’.
‘I’ll remember that. Okay, flying. Who knows what you need in order to fly’.
* Fleur Delacour finished her latest master piece, a potrait of her little brother Bleu.
* “Paddy-daddy it’s been entirely too long!”
* Ebony and Tyera wrenched themselves free from Hermione’s restraint, which had slackened at Malfoy’s last jive, and raised their wands preparing to strike.
* Harry stepped over the troll and extracted his wand from its nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
“Urgh – troll boogies.”
Most disgusting meal
* “So you can’t get the spell off then, Prongs?” Remus asked James as he tucked into a second helping of Chicken Surprise (The surprise being some of the chicken was still alive, or at least appeared so under some sort of spell)
jessstretch: Okay, I'm now becoming a vegetarian. *vomits*
The Prophecy Of Doom (minus its second half, which I chopped off cos it wouldn’t fit)
* Ten Children of the future
are in the past
to help right the wrongs
of the a future destroyed
when the cresent moon pendent breaks
they will disappear
till the time is right
with their ghost of their godfather's
to be thier guide
When the Moon Child admits he is loves a man
Grandparents shall he find
Spells are broken
and a he shall be a her
a family at last shall they be
a headmaster his transfigured wife
and the son of their long lost daughter
His tear shall crystalize
and the Silver Crystal shall be found
The Plutoarian Time key shall be the first
To find the Plutoarian Heir
A werewolf of light shall he be
friends of the moon child father shall he be
he will take to be his wife his mate
The Mother Earth child and heir
He shall appeared in front of his leige
In clocks and time he pledges
Pluto and her subjects to the moon's eternal light
The Aqua Mirror and the Submarine Viloin shall be the next to appear
A cursed women shall be awaken and cured
Locked in her head for 16 years she leaves her husband side to find her heir
the child she so long lost
pureblood and an adult he shall now be
the second to be born as the seventh months dies
and with waves of the oceans and the truth in light
They will appear in front of the Lunarian Heir
Pledging Neptune and her people to the Moon Kingdom
For Eternity and beyound
The Uranusian Space sword has been hidden long enough
Black as it shall be
It will purge the heiress from the darkness of the Dark Lord
She leave her husband and son behind
Not knowing they will join at a later date
So in a fight of an whirlwind
She appears before her Queen
ans says Uranusians want to fight in the Moon's Light
The darkness comes to the light
from the dugeons and potions
To admit to the former boy who lived
now the girl who lived the moon queen
He loves her too
The Silent Glaive shall appear
and He vows then and there
Saturn and her people will never be in dark again
The dark mark will fade and hatred by all not more
but loved by all in the light
Best letter ever
* Granger this is payback for stealing my bloke and turning my own house against me. This is not the end I will destroy your life.
Do not forget this warning
Hatefully Pansy Parkinson.
The Emerald Orbs Award for the worst description of someone’s eyes
* She (Hermione) was 15 now, and she had grown up quite a bit. Her hair was still that bushy mass of golden-brown fluff, and her eyes were still the chocolate-brown circles embedded in her skull, trying to think of everything and anything at all.
Unexpected sex changes
* Since the Weasley clan started they had two gifts. The gift of controlling fire and foresee the future. They were seers, they were fire mages, and usually never had a male in the line. Ginny was the first.
* (Spoken to a female character:)
“He’s simply worried Lotus-kun. He doesn’t want you to be taken advantage of.”
* They had all decided to return to complete their training, Harry wanted to be an auror, like Ginny. While Ron and Hermione where both training to be medi-whitchs.
* Blaise dared Draco to be Hermione's girlfriend for 1 year.
“Aha! I dare you to be Granger’s girlfriend for a whole year. Think you can handle it?” Blaise said smirking.
And do you wonder why Draco is being so sweet to Hermione? It’s because, the dare Blaise gave to Draco was to be Hermione’s girlfriend for 1 YEAR. Get it? Haha. :)
lastyearswishes: HAHAHAHAH--Oh wait. No, I don't get it. :(
* Harry's robes went from black to pure white, he had a crescent moon on his forehead the light up and shot to the sky to the Heavens and fade again. His gender change from male to female. His body got slender with curves in the places that would drive her soul mate crazy Her hair lengthen to her waist. What amazed all in the Hall was she was still crying and know her tear was crystallizing in her hand.
arihx: I love how these transformations always happen in the Great Hall, in front of the whole school, and no one does anything.
* “Oh, Draco, you look so handsome today” Myrtle said as he flew near Draco.
* Harry could not risk being recognized so Hermione came up with the perfect disguise: make Harry a girl. So out of the car stepped a red-haired boy, and bushy-haired brunet girl and a petite raven-haired girl. Hermione dressed him in a red and black corset to give to illusion of breasts and enhance his naturally covetous body.
Worst comma abuse
* A powerful smell of, what Tallon thought was, some thing like burning rubber, wafted to them out of the Apothecary.
* “What, do you think, you are doing?” a cold voice asked behind me. I slowly turned around, to face the greasy haired, big nosed cretin, as Fred and George like to call him, to his face.
* All she could think of was Ron...even when they where, in the kitchen talking to Lupin who, said something about, Stan Shunpike, she answered automatically and mechanically as she would, but was soon ushered out of the house by Kingsley, she stood there next to him and Lupin staring up at the sky, Harry was still inside at the time, suddenly she heard a deep voice,
"He'll be allright Ms. Granger, Ronald Weasley is a strong young man."
Platform 9¾ problems
* Concentrate. I saw Platform ¾ in my mind.
* “No. Your aunt and uncle are coming to get you tomorrow. You’ll spend the rest of the summer with them, and then they will take you to Platform 9 and 10.”
* (an author’s note:)
(I’m getting REALLY tired of writing that ‘platform 9 ¾’ I’m just gonna call it…’the train’)
* Harry, Ron and Hermione had just arrived on platform ¾ at Kings Cross Station.
* A scarlet steam engine was puffing smoke powerfully into the air, as a crowd of people clambered to get on board. Tallon looked around and saw above him, a hanging sign that read: 93/4.
jessstretch: So...he's at Platform 23.25?
Surprising medical conditions
* Danielle’s eye opened for the first time in about 2 months. She was unconscious or else probably in a coma. She groaned her head hurting. “Oh good your awake your brother will be so proud.” Madam Promfrey said.
eir_de_scania: My inner nurse is crying.
* "Yes, Harry please sit down." said Fudge "Well this afternoon at 6:45 p.m. some Death Eaters arrived at Privet Drive. Somehow they knew you weren't there , so they went into the house and tortured your Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin with the Crutiatus Curse. Fortunatley, one of the neighbors heard a disturbance and called the Police, the muggle enforcements, and that is how Kingsley Shackelbolt found out and came to the Ministry to report that immediatley. At once we sent some Aurors to Privet Drive and they settled everything. However, unfortunatley it looks like Bellatrix Lestrange got a bit carried away and did quite some damage to your cousin. At this moment he is at St. Mungo's being treated."
It had almost been a whole week before he (Harry) heard anything about the Dursley's again. After he left St. Mungo's he went straight to the Burrow. He was polishing his Firebolt in the Kitchen when suddenly Fudge's face appeared in the Flames. "Harry, " he said. " I'm here to inform you about your Cousin. Well he seems to have a serious problem in his head. You see, it was so much the torture he was put to that it addled his brains. Fortunatley, it isn't permanent unless it is treated.
thelittlebudgie: "Oops," Kingsley added.
Worst hairstyles of all time
* Viktors hair was now tied into a long black ponytail with a bare forehead.
Harry's hair was now tame but had six spiked dreadlocks at the top of his head.
Fleaurs hair was now long, and tied into a long braided pony-tail that reached the back of her knees.
Cedric's hair was just a bit longer reaching his back.
each had a lock of hair the same colour as the aura-mitters, for Cedric, a long yellow bang, Fleur had a ligh blue bang
that went down just stopping at her braided pontail, Viktor, now had a deep sea green lock flowing down to the bottom of
his ponytail, Harry on the other hand had two long red bangs that reached to the back of his head.